Declaration of Improper Parking

September 25, 2009 at 9:34 AM 7 comments

When in the Course of my normal day, it becomes necessary for one person to consume more resources than anyone else may choose to consume, and to assume my greater importance on this earth, that I have more rights than you to which the Laws of Nature and my God entitle to me, with no respect for other opinions of mankind requires me to declare my superiority of choice over everyone else.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that my need for parking is greater than thou, that I am endowed by my Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are proximity, convenience, and the persistence of apathy.  That to secure these rights, I institute my vehicle among others, driving just powers from the tons of steel and plastic, that whenever any parking space could hold my girth, it is my right to take it despite the vehicles around me, and institute my will, for my convenience of consumerism and disorganizing others, so that I may be most happy.  Prudence, indeed, is lost on my will long established should not be changed for guilt or logic; and accordingly all entitlement hath shewn, that mankind is disposed to suffer, for my evils are insufferable, than to park in another spot by eliminating my convenience to which I am obviously entitled.  But when a long train of cars and trucks, pursuing invariably the same intent evinces a wrath to extremes, where it is my right, it is my sole entitlement, to throw out common courtesy and decency, to create my own opportunities, and provide new parking for my needs.  Such has been the impatience and greed of my life; and now is the necessity of my ego which constrains me to do nothing else other than my own choosing.  The history of my fenders and doors is displayed in dents and dings, all having direct consequence of my actions of absolute superiority over a parking lot.  To prove this, I dare you to park next to me.

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Entry filed under: funny, Inspirational, Seriously?. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

Opinephilia 2010 Hyundai Elantra – A week in the life

7 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Danimal  |  September 25, 2009 at 10:41 AM

    Salute!

    I like the taglines, too. 🙂

    Reply
  • 2. jonstovall  |  September 25, 2009 at 11:03 AM

    this shall soon be ratified by the residence of alamo heights and olmos park.

    Reply
  • 3. wiggy  |  September 25, 2009 at 2:32 PM

    funny thing:
    Up here in Austin, i think the parking spaces are quite a bit larger, as I do not see this same type of parking as often as I did when I was “down there”. lol

    -w-

    Reply
    • 4. Nathan Schmidt  |  September 25, 2009 at 2:37 PM

      Maybe they’re just more responsible.

      Reply
  • 5. allen  |  September 28, 2009 at 12:08 AM

    AWESOME!
    A very eloquent description of the exact mentality that parking like this comprises.

    Reply
  • 6. Nathan Schmidt  |  September 29, 2009 at 6:16 AM

    Thanks Allen! If there’s anything that “grinds your gears” let me know!

    Reply
  • 7. Mike  |  August 10, 2010 at 7:00 AM

    AWESOME!! x2
    Very impressed with the Lines about there parking… if you have more pics of tht caliber its a blast to laugh at.
    Thanks for making my work day more fun

    Reply

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